God Turned My Life From Not Quite Right
to Just Right
Of all the years of my youth, 11th grade was by far the hardest.
It was the year that I began to question the existence of God. At
that time I began a search for the purpose of life that I would not
complete for seven years.
After I lost my mother when I was 19 years old, my worries began to
intensify. In spite of all my efforts, I still felt a great void in
my life. Nothing ever filled that void...until I found the Lord.
They say a life filled with activity suggested a life with a purpose.
Activity, I had. But a life -fulfilling purpose? No way. I tried everything.
I devoured self-help books. I took seminars to uncover the depths
of my "inner being. I worked on building my self-esteem. I was
motivated and on fire for many causes....but none of them ever satisfied
me. There was always a next step. Deep inside, none of these activities
made me feel worthwhile or cared for.
Shortly before I was married in 1993 at the age of 23, my father took
me aside and asked me if I had a "personal relationship with
the Lord. Because I prayed and sometimes it seemed my prayers were
answered, I believed that I could tell my father, "Yes, I have
a personal relationship with the Lord. In reality, I knew of God,
but I did not know Him. I did not know God like I know my family.
I could pick out a shirt for my dad - or fix my family's favorite
meal. I knew what would please them. But, I had no idea what would
please God.
And so my life progressed. I graduated from Chiropractic College,
moved, fell in love and got married. - all the things that are supposed
to be mile-marker accomplishments of life. I thought at that time
that I could look God in the eye and say, "See what I did. Now
I have done enough to make up for my shortcomings.
Deep down, however, I knew that wasn,t "enough. Through the urging
of my husband, I began a Bible study with him and two men from the
Lehigh Valley Baptist Church. Certain passages from the Bible began
to really hit home with me. "How can man, who is born of woman,
be justified before a Holy God? Another was especially significant
- "For by grace are ye saved by faith: that not of yourself,
it is a gift of God. For the first time I began to see that my shortcomings
were based in sin. It was hard, at first, to accept that I was a sinner.
That concept sure wasn,t good for my ego. The Bible says that all
sin is equally bad in God,s eyes. I began to realize that I had been
deceived. That's how Satan works. He shows you the vicious crime in
the world, and you feel good that the little sins you commit aren't
really all that bad. I learned, though, that next to God,s perfection,
even a small sin is like a mud spot on a white carpet.
It disturbed me greatly to learn that God can't bear to look on sin.
It hit me that all my life, God couldn't look on me. I realized that
I no longer wanted to live my life just on my own abilities. I needed
help. I needed a Savior. That night, I asked God to save me from Hell.
I asked Him to take me into His family and make me His child.
My prayer to God was not long, or eloquent. But, if I could do it
all over again, I would do it on the Six O'Clock News so the whole
world could know what unties the knot in the pit of your stomach and
turns "not quite right into "just right. I had been "religious
for 23 years before someone had told me what Christ had done for me
almost 2000 years ago. I had known that "Christ died for the
sins of the world. It never occurred to me, though, that He had suffered
for MY sins. By accepting that I was the sinner...that Christ came
to this earth to save ME, I was saved and born into God's family.
Some time has passed since I was saved in February of 1994. Everything
did not change overnight, rather it has been little by little. I can
now honestly say,though, that my life has become so sweet. It is not
always easy to follow God's way and not my own. But, how can I not
follow His way? No one has ever cared for me like my Lord. God has
blessed me with a good marriage, a good job, friends and, just recently,
with the joy of knowing there is a baby growing within me.
Of greatest comfort, though, is the knowledge that He is my Father,
and I can turn to Him at any time and He will do what is best for
me. There is nothing else I could ask for.