home | do you believe? | heaven's emporium | testimonials | one in a million | commissions | join us | discussions
General
Marriage & Family
Inspirational/Born Again
Miracles & Healings
Life Experiences
Prayer Requests
| A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I | J | K | L | M | N | O | P | Q | R | S
| T | U | V | W | X | Y | ZN
Testimonials By Name
Ravi Narasimhan - IN SEARCH OF THE "UNKNOWN GOD"
Roger Nelson - Playing the Role
Ravi Narasimhan
Arlington Heights, IL
EMail: mco@goshen.netIN SEARCH OF THE "UNKNOWN GOD"
I was born into a Brahman family 27 years ago, one of the most orthodox castes of Hinduism in India. I was raised by parents and grandparents who adhered to high moral standards. As the first grandson born to my loving grandparents, I was their favorite and had the privilege of visiting several sacred Hindu places and participating in rituals with them. My grandparents followed a very orthodox life-style: They worshiped gods, fasted, recited slokas (Sanskrit poems) every day by the family altar, visited the Hindu temple, and performed temple rituals every week.
My parents were also religious and always used good reasoning to expose why rituals were performed before performing them. Because of this, I performed rituals with more zeal. If, for some reason, I had no clue why certain things were done, I justified to myself they were done for good reasons only.
As Hindus, we believed in several gods, and our ultimate objective was to realize the unification with "Para-Brahma," the godhead. Hinduism subscribes to several ways to reach this objective, which fall under four broad categories: Rajah Yoga, Bhakti Yoga, Karma Yoga, and Guyana Yoga. Rajah Yoga covers all mental exercises, like meditation, contemplation, chanting, and Hata Yoga (the exercise Yoga). Bakthi is the devotion to either concepts or idols. Karma Yoga teaches one to focus on the duties of one's life. And Guyana Yoga prescribes to knowledge.
None of these methods opposed each other. They simply were the many ways one could choose to reach his final objective. Depending on the way one chooses, his final destination is either Moksha, Samathi, Brahman, Mukti, self realization, pure consciousness, etc.
Thus, Hinduism is both pluralistic and pantheistic.
As I entered my teens, my brother and I had to participate in "Upanayanam," a ceremony that started the second phase of life: bachelorhood. Every Brahman male had to go through this ceremony before marriage. This phase of life was to be dedicated to godly pursuits. We were taught to follow several ritualistic practices to aid us. We performed ritual chanting and special breathing exercises, recited secret mantras hundreds of times, and worshiped the sun god every day in the morning and evening as a part of a worship called "Sandya Vandanam." We performed rituals before and after eating, wore sacred marks on our forehead, and wore a sacred thread. My entire life-style changed considerably in order to keep up with the rituals. In spite of the monotony, the life-style was fascinating, because I felt I was on the road to self realization. This continued for about four years.
Slowly, my life leveled out, but, still, I had not attained "Brahman." Living in India, I observed others who had experienced Upanayanam several years before I did, such as my father, grandfather, uncles, temple priests, and other Brahmans. To my surprise, they were in no way closer than I was to the state of self realization, which we were all supposed to attain. This discouraged me. But instead of giving up, I decided to become more serious about my pursuit, because I believed Brahman did exist and the mistake was ours for not being steadfast in our methods. For some reason, about two years after my Upanayanam, the rituals, the underlying purpose behind them, and my eagerness to reach self realization thrust me into a spiritual pilgrimage. I seriously searched for the answer in achieving Brahman.
For years, I pursued the methods I learned without compromising common sense. But when I finally took a look at myself, I found only deep emptiness. Ending my life at that point seemed the greatest suggestion my rational mind could think of. But a terrifying dream about death changed my thinking overnight. I didn't want to die, I wanted to live. I felt if I had to live, I must have a purpose. And if I had a purpose, I wanted to find it. I believed that when I reached the state of complete self realization, I would live out the answer, and my living would reflect my purpose in life.
Being the sole authority of my life, I granted myself an entire lifetime to discover its purpose. This time, I decided to be sincere in my efforts and use all my common sense in this pursuit. I also decided to be open to other options. I assumed one rule applied to this quest: that I should be willing to put effort into it. After all, it only seemed logical; if I wanted something, I must work for it. If what I wanted was worth a lot, it would require proportional effort.
I did not isolate myself from my family and friends during this process. I helped others when I chose to and often went out of my way. I respected my parents and other elders when they didn't interfere with my, admittedly, childish objectives. I was not a bad person in my own eyes. Even if I did bad things, the good always seemed to more than compensate for the bad. This made me feel good about myself. Several people thought I was a wonderful child, and this mattered to me a lot. I wanted to be liked by everyone to dull the blows of the terrible inner emptiness. But however noble serving others seemed, it did not fill my loneliness. Nonetheless, for the next few years I spent several dedicated hours each day towards understanding the purpose of my life.
My family was closely knit -- my uncles and grandparents played a major role in several family matters. The issue that concerned them most was my education. In order to help me focus in my high school studies in Madras, India, my uncle decided to enroll me in a transcendental meditation class. After a few weeks, I experienced several seemingly good effects: I slept for only two to three hours a day and felt fresh throughout the day; my pulse rate went down to the fifties; I seemed to have more energy; and I was able to spend more time studying. While I liked the effects, the emptiness I felt inside remained the same. I was hoping the emptiness would disappear after some time, but instead, the meditation started unraveling its side effects: vibrations in my body and restlessness.
I was aware that some people who practiced transcendental meditation wound up losing their sanity. I knew I had to stop right away. There were other ways to self realization, so I switched to simplified Kundalini Yoga (SKY), which seemingly had the answers. I also took up martial arts class after being impressed by the peaceful looking masters in the movies. It seemed they knew the purpose of life. I was serious about both SKY and martial arts and received my black belt and also took a course to teach SKY.
My typical morning would begin at 3:00 AM. For the next four to five hours I would meditate, perform Yoga, work out briefly, then go to martial arts class. This was my routine 5 to 6 days a week for almost 4 years. But to my sadness and surprise, I was not closer to filling the emptiness inside me. Nevertheless, I still believed I was on the right track, so I kept going. I even taught my parents some yoga and meditation. I wanted them to be able to reach "Para-Brahma" if I happened to get there. I withheld my latest methods from my parents until I was convinced the methods would do no harm, then I would pass them on. I never mentioned to my family my internal quest. They simply observed me involved in yoga, meditation, and martial arts and probably assumed these were a part of growing up. I wish now that I had told them about my internal struggle.
Being rooted in Indian methods, trying to look for the solution in Christianity was totally out of the question. I thought many Christians were hypocrites who conveniently changed their belief system to accommodate anything they wanted to do. In fact, a lot of my friends perceived Christians in India as people without conscience, mostly because of the British rule in India for 200 years, from which we did not hear a single good story about the Christian faith.
In 1991, I moved to Chicago to pursue my masters degree in computer science at Northern Illinois University (NIU). I was 21, and I brought my emptiness along. By this time, I was accustomed to failures in my pilgrimage and was almost convinced I could spend a few more years in my spiritual quest and it would have got me nowhere. But not quite ........ I decided to turn to the Vedas, the ancient Hindu scriptures for answers. I remember my mother having said to me that our family was to follow the Rig Veda, so I found some books in a library that explained the Rig Vedas. They made no sense to me. One particular book, however, was deep and fascinating and supposedly simplified the Vedas. The author elaborated the fundamental concepts of Hinduism, yet, he never answered my deepest question.
So, I turned to science for my answer. I became interested in some of the best sellers on quantum theory, written by an Indian doctor. The author elaborated the seeming truths of the universe from a Hindu perspective. His books caught my attention, and I spent several months reading them. He even used his experience from transcendental meditation to explain several concepts. I thought I had missed out on these teachings during my meditation days. Nevertheless, I was terrified by the recollection of the side effects of transcendental meditation and never wanted to try it again. The author claimed he enabled cancer patients to respond well to chemotherapy by removing their guilt from their minds. He established the connection between mind, body, and the presence of intelligence in every cell of the body. There were many more things he claimed to be true.
The only thing I really learned from his books was that guilt would catch up with us someday, somehow before we died. This is simply the law of Karma. I knew I had done at least a few things wrong in my life. But whenever they bothered me, I just shut them out. On the other hand, I thought, "What if there are no absolute standards for right and wrong? Or what if I could rationalize my guilt by blaming my wrongdoings on my circumstances, my childhood, peer pressure, or on something else? Then I need not be guilty of anything." It seemed like a great idea but never seemed to work. I believed there must be some absolute standard somewhere. But even so, guilt was not the major issue in my life then. Self realization was.
Since I could not find any answer to convince me of the truth, I sometimes challenged my friends with the question, "What is the purpose of your life?" It struck some like a lightning bolt. Some gave answers, but usually I quickly discounted them as false. I was surprised no one gave an answer that made me even consider his or her reason. Deep inside I longed to reach the end of my quest.
It was in 1991 when I happened to meet Sophia. She was a Christian from India. We worked together in the computer lab at NIU and became good friends in a short time. Sometimes, during casual conversation, our difference in religious beliefs surfaced. One time I asked her my favorite question, "What is the purpose of your life?" "To glorify God," she replied, sincerely and casually, as if it was so simple. I was astonished. My ego was so big, I ignored her answer and asked more questions to cover up my surprise.
That day, deep inside me, I felt a heavy jolt. What Sophia said seemed plausible. Maybe there really was a God, external to me, who knew everything, including my emptiness and the reason why I exist? But I was so caught up with self realization, I had no concept of an external God, separate from me. To glorify this God would mean to live a life worthy of the reason I exist. I thought, "Is it possible it's so simple I've missed it?" I had heard a few noble answers to my question "What is the purpose of your life?", such as "to help others," "to serve my family," "to become rich and give to the poor," and a few others. But I knew deep within me that even when I did such acts of kindness, the motive was to demonstrate to others that I was good, so I could feel good about myself. Thus, my sacrifical services were selfish.
A multitude of questions and thoughts welled up within me. How could a simple religion like Christianity with one God so easily explain everything, while Hinduism, the ancient religion with several million gods, several schools of thought, several ways, and several rituals obscure things??? If Hinduism had the answer, how could I have missed it after so much effort? And what about the millions of other Hindus?
Sophia's answer to my question "What is the purpose of life?" was not unique, because Hindu temple priests in India would have given the same answer. They would have said their purpose was to glorify god too. But what they meant was vastly different: their gods were idols. The temple priests cleaned, decorated, and even put their gods to sleep.
I also washed idols, sang to them, and recited several prayers to them when I was a little child. They were like toys to which I gave glorified purposes and even life. To me these idols were statues, and my mind decided what I chose to do for them. What troubled me now the most was that if there was a God, glorifying this God could very well be the purpose of my life. And this would mean that I should know who this true God was. I fully understood what Sophia said. She meant her purpose in life was to glorify Jesus Christ. I had read some history books and knew Jesus was a man, like any of the thousands of saints in India. In India there are several gurus who claim they are god or claim to have contact with god or who can show you the way to self realization. Even I have the official certificate to teach Kundalini Yoga. I assumed that Christ was like one of the gurus. Having been stumped by Sophia's answer, I wanted to prove to myself Christianity was false by proving Jesus Christ was just another good guy whom people had given life to and made their God. There are people in India who worship noble kings as gods. I was convinced this was the case. I thought maybe better Bible translations enabled Christians to know their religious teachings. But the same information was available to me too, so I set out to prove Christ was a gimmick (just like the fake Indian gurus) by investigating Christian practices.
I attended a few church services and tried to stump the pastors with tricky philosophical questions. If they couldn't answer me right away I never bothered to give them another chance. Of course, I never knew the answers to my own questions nor felt obligated to find any. I asked questions like, "Buddhism says desire is the cause of all evil -- if you follow this teaching and have no desires, why do you need the commandments?" I was just throwing rocks at Christianity. But in-spite of that, I learned a few Christian facts like, Christ was brutally killed on a cross, Christ claimed that He died for the sins of humanity, He supposedly came back to life in 3 days, and He was kind and loving.
Sophia invited me to a Christian retreat where an Indian pastor took time to explain a major difference between any religion and Christianity. He said that in all religions we make the effort to go to god, while in Christianity, God comes to where we are. I thought to myself, "WOW!!" This caught my attention. How I wish this was true! After 12 years of search, I now heard that the omnipresent God was right by me. Even before I could start to imagine this possibility, my family, culture, tradition, and heritage flashed before me. How could I even think about believing this? I hated Christianity, and my parents and several others I knew in India had similar opinions. In spite of the fact that I felt his explanation could be true, I chose to deny the possibility. I stopped asking tricky questions. I was afraid I might find the answer in Christianity.
A few weeks passed and still I could not ignore the fact that Christianity might have held the answer for me. The truth is I was too scared to find out because of the cultural taboo. But, I reasoned, "If this God existed, He would resolve all my problems. He could take care of the consequences of my quest. If I ever find this God, the True God, I will never have to worry about the cultural consequences." Even after thinking through this, I did not remove my guard completely. I made a final attempt to find fault with the Bible. Someone had given me a copy of the New Testament. Of course, I would never have bought one.
After reading the first chapter from the book of John, I understood Jesus was the Word of God, God's expression. Chapter two talked about Jesus' miracles, so I figured He was not an ordinary man. In chapter three, Jesus talked about being born again -- this was truly fascinating. The concept of reincarnation as I understood it was not a physical birth and death but a mental one. When Jesus said we had to be born again, it made a lot of sense to me. I knew he was telling me about a new life -- like starting a new resolution on New Years Day, except this time for real, with a brand new nature of Jesus.
I began to realize I would have to submit to Christ and forfeit self realization for Christ realization. This, I reasoned, was a great exchange. The Bible also mentioned that "God so loved the world He sent His only Son, so that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life." When I read chapter four, where Jesus talked to the women at the well and told her if she drank His water, streams of living water would flow from within her, so that she wouldn't have to keep traveling to the well ..... it all clicked. I was running around trying to fill my emptiness, and Christ was saying He would not only fill it, but fill it in such a way that it would overflow. So if I accepted Christ's help, I need not seek other things to fill my emptiness. This was the solution I was looking for.
I began to see the big picture. I was incomplete because of my own nature. This incompleteness was the emptiness I felt. For so many years I tried several methods to fill up this incompleteness, but none worked. If I had died this way, I know for sure I never would have been with God. But God in His love for us sent Christ to fill up our emptiness and make us complete. Christ suffered our ultimate consequence: death and separation from God. In doing so, Christ paid the penalty we were supposed to pay. But, after dying, He came back to life in three days. He passed through death; the termination of our physical existence. God showed what would happen to those who are made complete by accepting Christ's death as ransom for their own.
This made perfect sense. Even death cannot keep us from being with God by choosing this Way. I thought only at death one would know his destiny. But by this Way, Christ has shown salvation is readily available. I can enjoy salvation while I am still alive today. But what would I have to do to receive this?
Jesus claimed that just by believing in Him, this is possible. The ransom has been paid in full for all humanity. The Way has been paved for everyone to pass through death. Since God is omnipresent, He knows my thought process, He is very near. All I had to do was take one step of faith. I felt as if Christ was waiting on me, to just take this step. In the silence of my heart, with all sincerity, I said, "I believe in You Jesus, as You have revealed."
This happened early in the morning on March 5, 1994. Words cannot express what happened at that moment. My emptiness was gone, just as if it never existed. I felt a deep sense of cleansing, a great peace and satisfaction. I knew this was what I was looking for, for 12 years. Christ never promised wonderful experiences and feelings at the time anyone accepts Him. But that does not negate the authenticity of Jesus' promise. Some of my friends felt nothing when they took this step of faith. Yet there is only one Christ, one Way, One faith, and one result: salvation.
Now, after looking into the Bible and who Christ is, I am convinced this is what the many different ways in Hinduism have been trying to achieve. We had prayers like, "Lead me from falsehood to Truth," "Lead me from Darkness to Light," "Lead me from Death to Immortality." I recited this every day in school for many years. Christ fulfilled these prayers when He said "I am the Truth, I am the Light of this world, I am the Life and Resurrection, and I am The Way." I wish to plead with all my Hindu brothers and sisters to take an open-hearted look at Christ. The different ways available in Hinduism are an attempt to reach God by effort, but, fortunately, God requires no effort from us. By faith in Jesus Christ alone, God grants salvation.
More than two years have passed since I came to Christ. An additional blessing walked in my life through Sophia, my wife. We got married one year after I came to Christ. Now having known Christ, our hearts go out to all those who have not come to know Him the way He ought to be known. Christ fills our spiritual emptiness by giving the Holy Spirit when we believe in Him. Only the Holy Spirit can satisfy this longing.
Christ lovingly warned that He is the ONLY way to the Truth, but wide is the way to destruction. With such profound statements Christ is clarifying His uniqueness. Many philosophers and gurus of this age are unable to discount Christ so try to include Him in their ways. No one can suggest that their wa is right without negating The Way through Christ. Either Christ is not The Way and a liar, or all other ways lead to destruction. No other possibilities exist. Some claim Christ was a good teacher, an excellent philosopher, or a scientist. This totally degrades the Son of God to a mere man. Christ was crucified because He proclaimed His status - The Son of God. The so calle great men show us some ways that they themselves follow, but Christ showed The Way and became the means by which we become children of God. He became the Gospel, He Himself is The Way to God.
My thanks goes to Christ, my Master, for saving a wretch like me.
Roger Nelson
Pasadena, California
EMail: Roger.Nelson@wciu.eduPlaying the Role
A girlfriend, a pad on Central Park West, and an acting career in New York -- I had at last arrived. Why then did I feel so empty inside? Sure, I went to church on Sundays. It made me feel like I was in touch with God and helped perpetuate the "good son" image. I was playing the role.
I was proud of myself -- a degree in mathematics, five years in research, and now in an off-Broadway show. The James Joyce Memorial Liquid Theater played for six months at the Guggenheim Museum Theater, offering the perfect opportunity to meet the kind of people I liked to spend time with -- women. My life revolved around theater and women. Why then did I feel so empty inside? I was playing the role.
My church upbringing and related activities were at one time a very real part of my life. I now viewed these things as the "family religion", relevant perhaps to my married peers trying to raise a decent family, but certainly not to me. My career seemed to be going pretty well. After Liquid Theater I did an Equity musical, summer stock theater, and an occasional TV commercial. Still there was something missing. It must be church.
So after a year in Manhattan, I started to attend a fashionable East Side church. I enjoyed the atmosphere and the people and even became good friends with the associate pastor. He was a big help to me as I lay in New York Hospital for eleven days with a broken leg. (I was hit by a car while bicycling home one night after a date.) I also suffered a gash in the temple. The doctor said I'd have been a goner if the wound had been a fraction of an inch lower. Maybe God was trying to get my attention. If so, I didn't notice, preferring the attention of the young women who came to visit in my hospital room. I was still playing the role.
During my recovery I grew a beard, acquired a walking stick, and met a young woman, who became a big part of my life for the next two years. Now I really had it made. So why did I feel so empty inside?
While studying at an acting studio on 42nd Street, I enrolled in a musical theater class at the Lamb's Club on 44th Street. The Lamb's was the oldest theatrical club in New York, and I was a member. One day, however, the Lamb's folded (pardon the pun). Several weeks later, I decided to stop by and see what had happened to the place. To my amazement the building had been taken over by a church calling itself The Lamb's. The church was in the process of organizing a theater company, and they invited me to attend the next meeting. I did so and soon became company director.
Then I started attending their Sunday evening services where I became overwhelmingly aware of my need for God as the central focus of my life. It's one thing to believe in God (even the devils do) and another to surrender your will to Him. Only by surrendering my whole life to the One who loved me the most did I finally experience peace with God. The emptiness was gone. At the cross Jesus paid the price for my peace with God.
Unfortunately, my girlfriend did not understand my change of heart, and we finally parted ways. But God meant it for good. He took my average acting career and turned it around. The minister of the Lamb's Church dreamed I was John Wesley and suggested that I put together a one-man play. I said, "John who?" ( I thought he played second base for the Mets.) I prayed about this, and the Lord answered with a playwright who wrote an outstanding script on the life of Wesley. It has since been my privilege to give over 1,000 performances of The Man From Aldersgate in 30 countries and all 50 states. Many others have also found peace with God by receiving Christ through the message of the play.
By surrendering my life to the Lord Jesus, I experienced a career turnaround which would have been otherwise impossible. I never even dreamed of performing at places such as Carnegie Hall, Stratford-Upon-Avon (England), and the Stratford Festival Theatre (Canada), but God opened those doors to me. The truth is that "with God all things are possible." I am now also doing another one-man play on the life of St. Patrick. And by the way, I am still playing the role, but this time I've got the right Director.
How about you? Who's directing your life? There is a god-shaped vacuum inside of you that only God can fill. People try to fill it with the craziest things: going to church, doing drugs, doing good deeds, achieving financial success, or seeking supernatural experiences, to name a few. Some of these things may not be bad in themselves, but they can never fill that vacuum. Only God can fill the vacuum in your life, because it's God-shaped. And there's only one man who claimed to be God and lives to prove it. Only One backed up His claims by living the perfect life -- a life of genuine love for people and the power to set them free from all manner of ailments, including the ailments of the soul. By willingly laying down His life for you and me, Jesus paid the price to set us free from the tyranny of our prideful, self-seeking natures. On the cross Jesus opened the door to our Father in Heaven, who longs to fill your God-shaped vacuum. He will do just that the moment you agree that Jesus is the only provision for your self-centered (sinful) nature and invite Him into your life. Just as surely as the Lord Jesus rose from the dead, He will come into your life and fill that vacuum. You will begin to experience the Father's love and forgiveness. Peace and joy will take on new meanings for you. The Bible says, "If anyone places their trust in Jesus Christ, they are a new creation. The old life is gone. A new life has begun!"
(Second Corinthians 5:17)After you do this, be sure to read your Bible and talk with God every day. It is of utmost importance that you find a good fellowship of believers in Christ, who can encourage and pray for you as you begin your new life. Please let me know how you're doing through the net. I'd love to pray for you and even send some material to help get you pointed in the right direction. Thank you very much.
Mark Nicholson
Auckland, New Zealand
Email: mnicholson@primetv.co.nzTestimonial
My Name is Mark Nicholson. I live in New Zealand and have read some of the testimonials sent to you. I hope it is inspirational. God Bless your efforts......
At 5.30am March 13 1997 our first child arrived after a smooth pregnancy and good birth. We named him Luke William. Linda and I were ecstatic.
We had met and married within three months of meeting one another in our late thirties. Both of us had given up on God bringing someone into our lives. As with all doubts in god we were rong. We doubted God would provide the lifestyles to allow us to be able to have children. Here we stood two years after marrying, in the hospital holding a perfectly formed and functioning gift from God. God delivers wondorous gifts.
Everything had gone well that the hospital let us take our son home by Noon that day. We were very
careful and had Luke checked over by everyone. But he was perfect. He slept in four hour patterns almost immediately. Our midwife told us not to tell most parents as they woul be jealous of our good luck. We knew though that God had given us an angel.On March 22nd, Luke was weighed and checked over by our midwife. She spent three hours with us cooing over him. Watching us bathe him and dress and play with him. Maggie left Linda, Luke and I at 4.30pm saying that she would leave us alone for a few days as everything was obviously going like a dream. Later that night Luke awoke but for the first time in 9 days didn't feed properly and was sick then dropped off to sleep. Nothing unusal for a baby.
He awoke two hours later was sick and went back to sleep. At midnight he awoke again. I rang an emergency Child Health Line. This is where God stepped . The line was engaged. At a later date I spoke to the help line and they told me that they would have advised me to put Luke down to sleep and take him to the doctor the next day. But that didn't happen as the line was engaged at midnight on a Saturday!! Thank the Lord.
I rang the Maternity ward for advice. Midwives in New Zealand deliver 2 babies a week. Maggie, our midwife had delivered five in the past week. God stepped in again and Maggie was in delivery suite delivering her sixth that week. She answered the phone. Maggie told us to take Luke to the Childrens hospital if we had any doubts. We did.
On the motorway on the way to the hospital Luke fell asleep. If there hadn't been a crash barrier I would have turned around and came home. So we got off the freeway and popped into the Hospital just to get Luke checked over. At the hospital Luke was seen by a young student nurse. She thought that he may have a virus buit wanted a doctor to have a look anyway. I remember hugging Luke with a sense of foreboding. I looked into his eyes and saw pain. But it was as if the pain was for me not for him.
The doctor took him and I went outside to pray. I knelt and pleaded for my sons life. God spoke as loud and clear as you hear any sound. He said to me "Iwill not Give You anything to heavy to bear". I said I am not a strong christian and if you take my son you will lose me. God Repeated "I will not give you anything to heavy to bear". My relief was enormous, This of course meant that Luke was going to be fine.
I went back inside and to where they had Luke. Now instead of a young student nurse and a first year doctor there were 8 doctors and nurses working around Luke. It was like a nightmare episode of E.R.
They were saying things like "I can't get a vein" and "Slow Heartbeat" in the space of an hour our little angel Luke Died.
I felt betrayed by God. How come my son had only got 10 of his 26,000 days. How could God say that He would not give me anything to heavy to bear. I am and was and will always be weak. I lay on the floor sobbing and screaming intermittently. The next three hours were a blur. Waking relatives out of the dead of night to tell them that our little angel was dead. Ringing my mother on the other side of the world to tell her the grandchild that she hadn't even got a photo of was dead.Two young police men came to the hospital because Luke had died In "unsubstantiated circumstances". They asked to unwrap Luke's body and and examined him for bruises. They were both crying. A young
nurse who had been holding a crying very alive baby four hours previously now holding a lifeless angel with tears running down her face. These images still rip me to bits eighteen months later. Why did God let this happen. How can this not be too much for me to bear?Well I can tell you now that it was too much for me to bear. But God is stronger than any man alive. God lost His son to the world. My son died quickly. He was born with a poor heart which no one found out about. So I didn't walk God carried me. He showed me that I am Christian, and as such stronger than anyone if I ask for God's help. I asked for God's help to tell everyone at the funeral how I was standing up. I asked for God's help to carry my son's coffin from the church. The weight of your baby's coffin is a greater weight than
anyone can carry. But God carried His own son and he helped me carry mine. If you ask God with all your heart and all your mind, nothing is too much to bear. Only God knows what it is like to Lose children.
He loses lots everyday. Only God can carry the weight of a lost son. He Lost His before time began.God Loves Me even though I continually doubt him. God loves me, even though I continue to sin. God loves me. But most of all I know that God loves me because he continues to bless me. My son Jacob is now 8 months old. Through Luke numerous people have come to know the Lord. So Luke didn't die in vain. God continues to give me gifts and never takes anything away. He puts it in your account in Heaven. And one day I am going to go there and live for eternity off my account. I just have to fill it up some more.
But best of all I know when I get there Jesus and Luke will be there waiting for me. Two lost sons standing together.God Bless you all.
©1995-2004
Sight God. All Rights Reserved.
Black
Fish Networks | CySpace
City Marketing | links
| questions/comments